Friday, June 11, 2004
04:35 p.m. today, although i cannot believe it and am trying desperately not to get my hopes up too, too much, i think mike and i may just be on the brink of buying a new apartment. at last...something more than a 1 bedroom to live in. not that there's anything wrong with a 1 bedroom. or that i'm not grateful to have a roof over my head, period. but when you're from suburbia, ok, and you're a pack-rat (don't blame me--it's totally hereditary), it's tough to then constrain yourself and all your belongings to just one bedroom and a living room (cause god knows we don't really have a kitchen to speak of).
so, this could be it. we could be moving out. we could be moving to brooklyn, and for me, back to park slope, which i loved in my short 8 months there. it's a compromise, kind of: mike remains scared of suburbia, i remain on the fence, but also aware that i would likely be bored to hell in suburbia, despite my misgivings about city-dwelling. but this place...this could answer so many of my problems with city life...space, greenery, stairs, a real kitchen! sigh.
i'm so setting myself up for disappointment if this thing doesn't work out. damn it.
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
03:41 p.m. boredom can be stupifying, stupid-fying even, so i'm opting to try to actually do something with my periods of boredom and reinvent this blog. it's got to be something different than it was, though. i go back and read some of my entries and i'm like, oh god. i guess that's how it always is though, like when you go back and read some of your old school papers, especially now that i work as an editor. i'm like, hello, it's affect, not effect, asshole!
actually, it's more than that. it's going back and being like, did i really think that then? did i actually have that thought and articulate it in writing...and i don't even remember thinking that? that's what scares me. but it scares me in a good way, since it makes me realize that i really forget so much. so i might as well track it here since i cannot for the life of me keep a diary. how do people do it? it's an amazing habit to me, to be able to find the time and motivation to write yourself little notes, just cause. maybe, now that i've said that i can't, i should try. ok, i'll try. but god, i really bore myself sometimes.
had some great conversations last night with deuce and jason about film, like i haven't had in ages. jason is an nyu film student and the first person i plan to call to be my partner next time i play trivial pursuit, so you'll have that. but it was just great to sit there, drinking coffee, talking about "kill bill" and idea of the bride as this never-before-seen character. she really had zero sexuality. i mean, even the part when that guy was about to get on top of her and rape her in her (supposedly) comatose state, there was nothing sexual about it (not that there ever is anything sexual about rape, but you know?). she might as well have been a guy throughout the film. except for one key aspect: the whole thing, really, was about her wish to be a mother to her daughter. up until you realize that, it really could have been about a guy who got screwed over and he's seeking revenge. but at the end, you see that no, it could never have been played by a guy, and that makes it all the more kick-ass of a role. really an amazing movie.
so anyway, it was great to get into all the nitty-gritty of a film and not be in a classroom and not have other people coming down on you like, you're overintellectualizing it, man! it's hard to find people you can really talk to about stuff you really want to talk about sometimes. it was refreshing.